Is Monogamy For You?

MonogamyIn a world of heavily influential western culture, is monogamy still valid?

Amos Oz, the 69 year old Jewish author and philosopher said, “Most people are not monogamous by nature, and the socioeconomic pretexts for the traditional family have expired in many parts of the world.”

If men (and women) are not really monogamous by nature, why do we hang on to the practice with clenched fists and gritted teeth? Why are we so set on the idea morally, when in practice, the idea flies right out the window for so many people?

While true monogamy is very rarely practiced (one person till the day you die), monogamy with a current partner seems to be the societal ideal.

In looking at my own marriage, I know that I would be hurt if my husband looked for sex outside of our wedding day promises. But far beyond the emotional side of of monogamy, lies a deeper issue. The fact remains, that the more partners you have, the more susceptible you are to diseases like HIV and even cancer. And lets face it, even the diseases that are easy to cure, are not good to have in the first place, nor are the drugs that are required to cure them.

However, if we put the health issues aside, why is it that we continue to want monogamy in our relationships? Is it a selfish ideal to expect somebody to be shackled to you, and only you, for the rest of their lives (or the rest of your relationship), or is it a romantic notion after all?

I wonder how many people would be happier if they were allowed to seek sexual gratification outside of the confines of marriage. If marriage really and truly came down to a simple emotional commitment, and sexual gratification was separated from that, would we have a lower divorce rate?

Only time will tell. But for now, I enjoy being faithful and monogamous. There’s a security in it that you just can’t find any other way. Is this naive thinking? Perhaps. But I’ve always said, I enjoy my own delusions wholeheartedly.

~Jane

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Sex Statistics

Sex StatisticsHere are some random statistics I’ve come across recently regarding sex.

  • 30% of women and 39% of men have tried Internet dating in their search for love. (I would be part of that percentage ~grin~)
  • 78% of women admit to enduring blind dates
  • 70% of women can’t stand a man who drinks to much. Bad breath is also a deal breaker for more than half of guys and gals, followed closely by smoking.
  • People have sex an average of 127 times a year.
  • Eastern Europeans (Hungarians, Bulgarians, and Russians) are the most sexually active at 150 times per year.
  • 48% of women fake orgasms. (Come on, admit it, you’ve done it to!)
  • Couples living together report having sex 146 times per year.
  • Married couples make love 98 times per year.
  • Single folks are having sex 49 times a year.
  • People around the world would rather go out with their friends than have sex. More than a fifth (22%) choose their peers rather than having sex with a partner (19%), while a further 10% prefer to either play sport or go shopping.

I think that last one says it all. We need to work on our sex lives folks! Let’s talk to each other about what we want and need in bed. Like relationships, sex takes work. It may be fun, but it still takes work to get it right. So practice, practice, practice! (Safely, of course!)

Premature Ejaculation Exercises

Premature EjaculationWho knew!!??? There are exercises you can do if you tend to cum to soon. And guess what. This works, not only for both men and women, but can also work if your problem is the opposite issue. And it’s so easy!

A lot of it has to do with controlled breathing. I’ve read a few different articles on this, and almost all of them recommend controlling your breathing.

  • The less you breath, the more intense things will feel, and the quicker you will cum (Just please don’t hold it so long you pass out. It’s kind of a mood-killer).
  • The more you breath, the less intense things will feel, and you will last longer (This is not your cue to hyperventilate. Don’t breath so hard you get dizzy instead of horny).

Of course, it’s not always that simple for the guys. If you are a guy reading this, there is a really specific exercise you can do. Read this article. It should help tremendously.

Just remember, it’s all about controlling your breathing. Being in control of your breath, is being in control of your orgasm. It may be a bit distracting at first, but with practice, you’ll get the hang of it.

~Jane

Cameras In The Bedroom?

Sex TapesWe’ve all heard the news stories about celebrities who have had their sex tapes leaked to the press. It always gets me wondering… how many people actually bring a camera into their bedroom?

While I’ve never tried it myself (I think I’d die of laughter watching myself) I do get the turn-on. I totally understand it. It’s a completely safe way to be an exhibitionist. You can show off, be a porn star for a few hours, and have proof once you’re finished. Something to remember. A souvenir.

Personally, I don’t think I could ever do it simply because I’d be to worried that it would be used against me some day. After all, if we’ve learned nothing else from all those news stories, those sex tapes, always get into the hands of the wrong person. And frankly, that’s just my luck lately.

I’d make a sex tape, and somehow, it would end up in the offertory bowl at church, which would then be mistaken for a children’s bible story movie, and would be played in front of the entire congregation. So I think I’ll pass on this one.

But I must admit, the idea is intriguing…

 ~Jane

Mismatched Sex Drives

Sexless MarriageIf you are married or in a long term relationship, you may have noticed that over the years, sex starts to dwindle. A lot of guys take notice of this and mistakenly think that their wives just don’t want sex anymore. Then they are shocked when those wives have an affair.

The problem with a lot of sexless marriages is not always a medical one. Many times, they are simple problems. And many times, they are problems that the man can fix himself.

There are many reasons (I’ll exclude medical reasons here) a wife might not want sex from her husband any longer, or seems to want it less and less.

Resentment is a huge issue. So is lack of romance, one or both partners letting their appearance slip away, to much control by one partner (usually the man), and many other reasons. I found a great article that goes into this exact phenomenon in great detail. The intro is a little long, but it’s a really interesting read once you get into it.

Here’s a quote from the article, regarding resentment in a marriage.

It is as if at the start of marriage, the woman opens a sexual bank account for her man and puts a certain amount of sexual currency in there to get him started. Every time he acts despicably in her eyes, she makes sure to mark down his balance accordingly. At first, she will extend a small overdraft when he hits zero. But after a few years, the bank informs him that they no longer do overdrafts on this type of account. Once he hits zero, he can’t expect sex very often.

So if you are a guy, wondering why you’re getting sex less and less, this article is a great place to start. Let me know what you think!

~Jane

Celebrity Fantasies

djdtI’m always curious which celebrities people fantasize about.

I mean, let’s face it. We’ve all done it. You’re in bed with your partner, and it just sort of pops into your head.

It can really make sex hot (as long as you don’t call out that celebrities name!).

It’s just so convenient to spice things up that way in your own mind.

What celebrities do you fantasize about and why? Do you think it helps your sex life?

~Jane

Fetish

FetishThere are so many fetishes out there. Some are relatively minor and some go to very exaggerated extremes. While I can’t possibly go into every fetish there is, my goal with this post is to give you general information on what some of the fetishes are.

According to DearSugar.com, there are three types of fetishes:

  1. Media: The type of material or the way something feels is what’s obsessed over. Media fetishes include silk, feathers, fur, or leather.
  2. Form: The shape of the object is what’s important here. Long, skinny stiletto heels, knee-high boots, and flowy lingerie fall into this category.
  3. Animate: These types of fetishes have anything to do with human body parts. That includes breasts, buns, bellies, necks, hair, etc.

But then there are also the S&M type of fetishes. Fetishes where people like to experience a certain amount of pain or restraint during sex. Examples are:

The thing with fetishes is this: No fetish is bad, and just because the neighbors dog barking sends you into lustful fantasies, doesn’t mean you’re a complete perv.

But if your fetishes are hurting you or somebody else, or if they are somehow effecting your daily life or the daily life of another person, you most likely want to seek help. You definitly need help if your fetishes involve children or animals.

However, if it’s just you and your fetishes having a grand ol’ time and not hurting so much as a flea, then have at it! Fetishes can be fun, and they can certainly spice things up in the bedroom (or anywhere else you may be!).

~Jane