Amos Oz, the 69 year old Jewish author and philosopher said, “Most people are not monogamous by nature, and the socioeconomic pretexts for the traditional family have expired in many parts of the world.”

If men (and women) are not really monogamous by nature, why do we hang on to the practice with clenched fists and gritted teeth? Why are we so set on the idea morally, when in practice, the idea flies right out the window for so many people?

While true monogamy is very rarely practiced (one person till the day you die), monogamy with a current partner seems to be the societal ideal.

In looking at my own marriage, I know that I would be hurt if my husband looked for sex outside of our wedding day promises. But far beyond the emotional side of of monogamy, lies a deeper issue. The fact remains, that the more partners you have, the more susceptible you are to diseases like HIV and even cancer. And lets face it, even the diseases that are easy to cure, are not good to have in the first place, nor are the drugs that are required to cure them.

However, if we put the health issues aside, why is it that we continue to want monogamy in our relationships? Is it a selfish ideal to expect somebody to be shackled to you, and only you, for the rest of their lives (or the rest of your relationship), or is it a romantic notion after all?

I wonder how many people would be happier if they were allowed to seek sexual gratification outside of the confines of marriage. If marriage really and truly came down to a simple emotional commitment, and sexual gratification was separated from that, would we have a lower divorce rate?

Only time will tell. But for now, I enjoy being faithful and monogamous. There’s a security in it that you just can’t find any other way. Is this naive thinking? Perhaps. But I’ve always said, I enjoy my own delusions wholeheartedly.

~Jane

• 30% of women and 39% of men have tried Internet dating in their search for love. (I would be part of that percentage ~grin~)
• 78% of women admit to enduring blind dates
• 70% of women can’t stand a man who drinks to much. Bad breath is also a deal breaker for more than half of guys and gals, followed closely by smoking.
• People have sex an average of 127 times a year.
• Eastern Europeans (Hungarians, Bulgarians, and Russians) are the most sexually active at 150 times per year.
• 48% of women fake orgasms. (Come on, admit it, you’ve done it to!)
• Couples living together report having sex 146 times per year.
• Married couples make love 98 times per year.
• Single folks are having sex 49 times a year.
• People around the world would rather go out with their friends than have sex. More than a fifth (22%) choose their peers rather than having sex with a partner (19%), while a further 10% prefer to either play sport or go shopping.

I think that last one says it all. We need to work on our sex lives folks! Let’s talk to each other about what we want and need in bed. Like relationships, sex takes work. It may be fun, but it still takes work to get it right. So practice, practice, practice! (Safely, of course!)

A lot of it has to do with controlled breathing. I’ve read a few different articles on this, and almost all of them recommend controlling your breathing.

• The less you breath, the more intense things will feel, and the quicker you will cum (Just please don’t hold it so long you pass out. It’s kind of a mood-killer).
• The more you breath, the less intense things will feel, and you will last longer (This is not your cue to hyperventilate. Don’t breath so hard you get dizzy instead of horny).

Of course, it’s not always that simple for the guys. If you are a guy reading this, there is a really specific exercise you can do. Read this article. It should help tremendously.

Just remember, it’s all about controlling your breathing. Being in control of your breath, is being in control of your orgasm. It may be a bit distracting at first, but with practice, you’ll get the hang of it.

~Jane

While I’ve never tried it myself (I think I’d die of laughter watching myself) I do get the turn-on. I totally understand it. It’s a completely safe way to be an exhibitionist. You can show off, be a porn star for a few hours, and have proof once you’re finished. Something to remember. A souvenir.

Personally, I don’t think I could ever do it simply because I’d be to worried that it would be used against me some day. After all, if we’ve learned nothing else from all those news stories, those sex tapes, always get into the hands of the wrong person. And frankly, that’s just my luck lately.

I’d make a sex tape, and somehow, it would end up in the offertory bowl at church, which would then be mistaken for a children’s bible story movie, and would be played in front of the entire congregation. So I think I’ll pass on this one.

But I must admit, the idea is intriguing…

 ~Jane

He’s to the point, and really gets his ideas across in a language guys can understand.

The latest one I read was on how to romance a woman. Here’s a quote from the article:

Imagine your pride and joy is a Harley Davidson that you have been restoring. You look at her every time you walk past her. You buy her the best lube you can get your hands on. You think about her often… When you are out riding her, you notice the slightest change in the purr of the engine and investigate immediately to see if something needs attention. So why did you notice a gradual souring of your wife’s mood several months ago and just let it go un-dealt with?

See what I mean? His articles make total sense to both men and women. For all you women out there who feel like the roman got lost along the way, print the article and make your guy read it. I know my husband will be reading this article very, very soon!

~Jane

The problem with a lot of sexless marriages is not always a medical one. Many times, they are simple problems. And many times, they are problems that the man can fix himself.

There are many reasons (I’ll exclude medical reasons here) a wife might not want sex from her husband any longer, or seems to want it less and less.

Resentment is a huge issue. So is lack of romance, one or both partners letting their appearance slip away, to much control by one partner (usually the man), and many other reasons. I found a great article that goes into this exact phenomenon in great detail. The intro is a little long, but it’s a really interesting read once you get into it.

Here’s a quote from the article, regarding resentment in a marriage.

It is as if at the start of marriage, the woman opens a sexual bank account for her man and puts a certain amount of sexual currency in there to get him started. Every time he acts despicably in her eyes, she makes sure to mark down his balance accordingly. At first, she will extend a small overdraft when he hits zero. But after a few years, the bank informs him that they no longer do overdrafts on this type of account. Once he hits zero, he can’t expect sex very often.

So if you are a guy, wondering why you’re getting sex less and less, this article is a great place to start. Let me know what you think!

~Jane

I mean, let’s face it. We’ve all done it. You’re in bed with your partner, and it just sort of pops into your head.

It can really make sex hot (as long as you don’t call out that celebrities name!).

It’s just so convenient to spice things up that way in your own mind.

What celebrities do you fantasize about and why? Do you think it helps your sex life?

~Jane

But there are certain things you should NOT do when you find out. So be sure to cover yourself in that department. You need proof, a plan and a purpose (as stated in the linked article above)

Deciding to leave or stay is your own personal choice. Nobody can tell you that one or the other is wrong. Whatever choice you make for yourself, is the right choice. Don’t let anybody tell you anything different.

But please, make the the right choice for YOU. Don’t base it on this kids, or what family or friends will think. Make the right choice for you, and you alone. Because, in the end, the choice you make for yourself, will be the choice that is right for everybody, including the kids.

If you are a stay at home mom/dad, you have an even harder road ahead of you because you now have to return to the work force after being gone for so long. Your kids, being used to having you home, now have to stay with strangers all day if family can’t babysit. It’s tempting to stay just for the convenience of the situation. But again, make the right choice for you. If you want to stay, then stay, but seek counseling. If you want to leave, then leave. Life has a way of working itself out. If you can get through this, honey, you can get through anything!

I wish you the best of luck

~Jane

So how do you protect your kids?

The first thing is to be sure your kids know what to do when approached by a stranger. This can be a little tougher with boys than with girls. Girls have a natural apprehension about strangers. Boys tend to want to act tough, especially when surrounded by friends. So approaching a stranger can be a “test of their manhood” even at a young age. So talk to your kids. Roll-play with them so they know what to do in any given situation.

The second thing you can do is to educate yourself. Find out where these perverts live. Know how safe your neighborhood is or isn’t. Web sites like http://www.familywatchdog.us/ can really give you a good idea of what you are dealing with locally.

The third thing you can do is get your neighborhood together. Be sure you are all watching out for each others kids. Don’t send a neighbor’s child home by him or herself, and ask that your neighbors do the same. There’s safety in numbers.

What have you done to protect your kids? Please share your comments. Everyone can benefit if we all stick together and share ideas.

~Jane

Everyone I’ve spoken to that has used the Chinese Birth Chart, has gotten the sex of baby they wanted. Is it an exact science? No. I’m not even sure it qualifies as science. But it is worth a shot, don’t you think?

Here’s a link to the chart.

Good luck!

~Jane